Monday, March 02, 2009

My Spiritual Journey

If you've been following my journey at all, you know that I have been focused on the spiritual disciplines of prayer and meditation. Last week, I talked about meditating on Hebrews 12 and about allowing the Lord to "shake" me a bit this week. Here's where I'm at in this fun journey =)

my thoughts are restless, my actions are restless. I just couldn't seem to stop and focus this past week. I jumped from one thing to the next, never finishing a thing. The house was full of half done stuff. This restlessness spilled over into everything. I forgot to return phone calls, I forgot to book hotel rooms for my family, I forgot to pick up my groceries and take them to the car after I payed for them, I forgot my wallet at Wal Mart. I just couldn't focus on life because of this restlessness.

What does this mean?
I wanted to just talk to God about it and lay it at His feet. I knew that He had a purpose and was doing something in me, but I didn't know what. So I prayed and prayed and continued to feel restless. Slowly over the week, the Lord has been revealing to me that He is "shaking" that "pray and talk to God and then move on" mentality. Praying is more than just asking and talking. It is opening every point of my heart to Jesus and then being still and quiet and listening. Without the stillness and listening, I'm not allowing Jesus to reveal those sin issues in my heart nor am I truly dealing with the junk that needs dealt with. I've known this and practiced it, but God wanted more from me this week. He is so faithful to keep pulling me deeper into prayer and intimacy with Him, but being still and quiet is hard when you're restless!

What did I do
I am working on my prayers becoming a quiet waiting for the Lord. To sit and listen to what He has to say about my sinful habits. To listen to who and what He desires me to pray for. He alone has power over my restless thoughts, and he alone can focus me on Him. I can't concentrate hard enough or focus long enough to keep my thoughts on God. Life will always have urgent things vying for my mind's attention. But complete submission to Him is what cures my restlessness.

Goals from last week:
  • Still memorizing and meditating: I'm through Matthew 5:1-17
  • Still reading "Created to Be His Help Meet". I started meeting with one of my friends to discuss the book as we read it.
  • I have tried a couple different books about prayer, but keep coming back to "Prayer" by O. Hallesby. I think I'm going to reread it because this journey I'm on with prayer takes a lot of work!
Goals for next week:
  • Memorize Matthew 5: 1-20
  • Read 2 more chapters out of "Prayer" and go through the study guide
  • Work on sitting and being still before the Lord before I jump into my time with Him. Use that middle of the day time I have set aside to work on listening to Him.

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