Tuesday, October 28, 2008

My Spiritual Journey...

Mediation: The past few weeks I have been working on implementing the discipline of mediation into my life. Not just at times when I feel certain passages jump out at me, but as a daily, all day long occurrence in my life. Why mediation you may ask? Great question!

First: I live a deeply busy life. I watch 5 kids 2 and under 2 days a week, I teach high school English one day a week, I run every errand imaginable on my only free day, plus manage our house hold which is always a mess b/c again, I watch 5 kids 2 and under during the week. I also run a woman's mentoring ministry at the church, coordinate the nursery hallway on Sunday mornings, and desperately try to teach and invest in my children in the in between times. Oh, and I'm pregnant. As I examined my life, I realized that busyness was my hugest adversary to a deeper relationship with God. How was I to mediate and allow the Lord to penetrate my soul and change me if I never sat down or was still during the week? Yet, at the same time, society often judges us by what we contribute and how much we accomplish, not necessarily by how much you invest in your relationship with the Lord. How was I to justify giving up some stuff in my life in order to quiet my life and heart before the Lord when so many around me are way busier than I am.

Enter mediation. As I was reading Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster, I got stuck on the chapter about mediation. As he listed off person after person throughout the Bible who God spoke to, it wasn't because of what they were accomplishing, it was because they were willing to listen and be still with God. Foster stated mediation is to “live in His presence in uninterrupted fellowship”. Wow. Pretty convicting because right now my whole life feels like one interruption after another. And so the journey begins...

I sat before the Lord and simply asked Him to teach me what it meant to mediate on Him. Brent and I get up every morning between 5:30 and 5:45am to spend time with the Lord, but I knew that what God was calling me to do was more than just that time in the morning. So here's my progress. I'm definitely still learning =)

My first realization was that I needed to simplify my life. I know God called me to stay home with my children and invest in my family, so I next needed to ask myself if I believed that if He called me to stay home, He would provide for our needs. This was definitely a practice in meditation for me as I sought what the Lord was trying to tell me. It soon became apparent that I needed to give up watching the extra kids in order to have more time to manage our household. I have to admit, my pride did not want to allow me to quit! But obedience was more important and as soon as I decided to obey, my world seemed so much lighter!

The next day as I sat before the Lord, I was quieting my heart by reading Psalm 36. For some reason vs 9 stuck out to me and I couldn't get it out of my head all day. “In your light, we see light.” For some reason, the whole next week revolved around this verse as well. I began to realize God was teaching me how to meditate on Him through this verse. The learning process has been interesting and challenging as I reteach my mind how to walk through my day, but the end result is better than what I could imagine.

Meditation is a discipline I am learning and will continue to practice and become better at because I desire to constantly be in the presence of God because in God's presence I will change. I will end today's post with a quote from Frederick W. Faber

“Only to sit and think of God,
Oh what a joy it is!
To think the thought, to breathe the Name
Earth has no higher bliss.”

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