The last 2 weeks have been a whirlwind. They've focused completely on having a baby which means My Spiritual Journey is all about what I've learned through this birth.
God seems to teach me something different with each child. Avery's pregnancy and birth was a process of God stripping me of my selfishness. Elliana's pregnancy and birth was a process of me allowing God to open my eyes to His plan for my life instead of me focusing on my own plan. Justus' pregnancy and birth has been a lesson in learning to pray without a solution in mind. A lesson in praying, pouring out my heart, and then trusting God to come up with the best solution to my prayer.
The whole pregnancy was a teaching process. The labor and birth was the testing ground. It was my opportunity to actually live out what I was learning.
After 4 days of labor contractions but no progression in labor. After my water broke, but still no progression of labor. After 7 hours of walking through the hospital, and still no progression of labor. After 14 hours in the hospital trying everything possible but still having labor not progress, I was given my opportunity to put what I learned into practice.
My nurse looked at Brent and I and said, "how do you want me to advocate for you? Do you want me to press the doctor to give you more time or do you want me to step back and let the doctor make the call as to whether you will have to C-section?" As tears rolled down my face, I was able to look at our nurse with a smile and tell her my story. I was able to be completely at peace and let her know how I had specifically prayed that God would not allow labor to advance if it was not safe for this baby to be born vaginally. We were able to share our story about God's goodness with the doctor and with every nurse in the OR. I was able to accept the C-section verdict with a peace that only comes when you wholeheartedly trust God.
I have to admit, sharing my faith is not always the easiest thing for me. But that day, there was no option for me but to express the faithfulness of God to everyone I met. He was the one in control so I couldn't help but share that with others.
So My Spiritual Journey is now on the next bump. Babies are hard work. Or maybe juggling the family, little sleep, kids that get out of control b/c their mom is nursing all day long, and hormones is the hard part. But since arriving home from the hospital, the Lord has been whispering in my ear about rejoicing in all things. Not just trusting Him with the solution, but truly rejoicing in the Lord in the midst of life's circumstances. So that seems to be my next step as I adjust to 3 kids. Rejoice when the cry comes after I've just fallen back to sleep. Rejoice in the Lord when the girls start to get out of control. Rejoice in the Lord when I'm too tired to cook but am too hungry not to. Rejoice in the Lord in ALL things, regardless of if they're pleasant things or not.
I love the journey =)