My Spiritual Journey...

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Dependence on God. What does this look like in every moment of every day? Is it really possible to live every moment of every day in the presence of God or is that a goal that we will one day reach when we get to heaven and get rid of this sinful flesh that so violently wants to capture our joy and our devotion?

These are all thoughts I've been thinking through this past week. The church going girl in me wants to say yes that its possible. The tired, stressed, pregnant mom in me battles with saying no because I've failed in practicing the presence of God so much this past week. So what's the right answer?

Seek first the Kingdom of God. I've heard this my whole life and given this advice my whole life, but the reality of living in the Kingdom of God is becoming more and more clear to me as I continue pursuing and learning about what it means to live in the Kingdom of God. This past week I've failed in this task many times. I sought first obedience in my children, a clean house, grading papers, the perfect bedroom conducive to sleep for the girls, perfectly planned meals, a relaxing evening to unwind, and so much more. But failing doesn't mean the Kingdom isn't there to pursue. It just means I need to pick myself up, confess and repent of my failings, and wholeheartedly pursue my Savior.

So here's what I've been meditating on this week.

Proverbs 12:25 "An anxious heart weighs a man down..."
Phil 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
I Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

(can you tell what my struggles have been this week!!)

It all comes back to seeking God first. When I let life get in the way of that objective, anxiousness sets in. Memorizing, meditating, and praying these verses this week have enabled me to continually put my focus back on living in the Kingdom of God and not living in my own man made kingdom with my own man made worries. I've failed a lot this week, but I think that's part of the journey. It seems whenever God is trying to teach me something, as soon as I get comfy on my journey, I hit some sort of opposition which makes me need to seek God even deeper.

This next week, my goals are:
1) To finish Prayer
2) To continue to establish prayer into the rhythms of my life
3) To sleep, sleep, sleep so my mind can be rested. A rested mind is a lot easier to keep thinking about the things of God than the unrested mind!

How about you? What are your goals for the week?