My Spiritual Journey...

Surviving with Joy. This has been the key phrase running through my mind this week. See, this pregnancy had been relatively easy so far. I didn't have the continual throwing up of the first 2 babies. I didn't have the bed rest scare or the sciatic nerve problems of Avery or the leg numbness of Elliana. In fact, I've been able to almost forget I was pregnant through most of this pregnancy. That is until a few weeks ago.

It started with some back discomfort, then moved into tremendous back pain and continual contractions. So much so that I rarely sleep at night b/c of the pain. In fact, I have slept 3 nights out of the last 7. (and they were all drug induced sleep which I hate doing in pregnancy!) So Friday, I talked to the doctor about the pain and through the conversation, am told that I should go to physical therapy. I immediately start seeing dollar signs and refuse. (Have I ever mentioned how much I hate spending money!) =) On the way home, God spoke to me so clearly it made me jump. It was like He whispered right in my ear, "If you're not going to spend the money on a solution, than you need to find joy in your situation. This situation is your choice so rejoice."

So surviving with joy is what I'm working on. What does it look like to rejoice in the midst of pain and exhaustion? I don't want to just let life pass by and patiently wait for the next phase when this pain will subside, I want to rejoice and find joy in what God has given me today. These thoughts reminded me of a great passage in the book "The Hiding Place".

Betsie and Corrie were in a concentration camp and suffering when they discovered their barracks were covered in fleas.

• "That's it Corrie! That's His answer. 'Give thanks in all circumstances!' That's what we can do. We can start right now to thank God for every single thing about this new barracks!...."Thank You," Betsie went on serenely, "for the fleas and for---" The fleas! This was too much. "Betsie, there's no way even God can make me grateful for a flea" (pg 198).
  
• "You know we've never understood why we had so much freedom in the big room", she said, "Well-I've found out." That afternoon, she said, there'd been confusion in her knitting group about sock sizes and they'd asked the supervisor to come and settle it. "But she wouldn't. She wouldn't step through the door and neither would the guards. And you know why?" Betsie could not keep the triumph from her voice: "Because of the fleas!"...My mind rushed back to our first hour in this place. I remembered Betsie's bowed head, remembered her thanks to God for creatures I could see no use for" (pg 209).

The fleas enabled them to lean on Christ, tell others about Christ, and experience a freedom even in the midst of a terrible situation. It wasn't pleasant to sleep with the fleas and have them crawling on them and biting them, but God used that unpleasantness to bless them.

Though we can't always see the hand of God in the midst of pain, exhaustion, or frustration, He is always at work. Our job is to "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." I Thessalonians 5:16-18.

So for the next 8 weeks, I will continue to learn how to survive with joy and give thanks knowing that my God will supply all my needs according to His glory and praise.